I'm sure at one time or another, we have all received this type of help disguised as support. Maybe sharing this can awaken them to use empathy instead. We hope this helps you and helps them understand compassion.
This topic comes up often either because of a doctor visit or even with your caregiver or loved one attempting to help you.
"To some, tough love is simply the opposite of coddling—it refers to letting a loved one face the consequences of their actions as part of a learning experience. In theory, this definition sounds reasonable. But in practice, tough love often goes much farther than that, and the concept can be used to excuse or encourage caregiver behavior that’s harsh, counterproductive, and even abusive."
"Merriam-Webster defines the term like this:” Love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner (as through discipline) especially to promote responsible behavior.” Of course, the word “tough” combined with the word “love” is enough to set a rational mind spinning. But despite that, the concept of improvement or correction linked with an improbable combination of shaming and revelation supposedly inspired by love filtered down through the culture in myriad ways, providing nutrients for subcultures of verbal abuse and abusers in positions of power, who often hid in plain sight.
In recent years, what was called "tough love" has been unmasked as abusive."
"Pushing someone with a mental illness too hard can actually send them backwards. I know this all too well as I have been pushed more than once over the years, into situations that I have definitely not been ready for which resulted in several breakdowns."
When you push someone with an anxiety disorder for example, into things that are too big for their anxiety, you only end up reinforcing the fears behind their intrusive thoughts and setting them back in their recovery."
KINDNESS
"Why Kindness? The central idea is that kindness creates positive (supportive and meaningful) social connections, which, in turn, reduce the response to stressors as well as fulfill basic, innate needs that are critical to health and longevity. Under the umbrella term of “kindness” are included related prosocial emotions and behaviors such as caring, generosity, altruism, empathy, gratitude, and compassion."
"Yelling at me, putting me down, telling me to get over it and let it go, that I’m stronger than this, that I’m better than this, all while being frustrated or angry at the fact I’m upset in the first place. And yet, all of that just sends me deeper into my fear, anxiety and insecurities. They make the situation worse in every possible way because you’re triggering exactly what caused this in the first place. I need you to understand that if you want to help me.
What I really need is actual love, kindness and empathy. You want to help me through my spells, and help me get through the darkness that tries to consume me whole?
Just sit with me. You don’t need to talk, but if you do, only say it’s OK to be feeling what I am feeling. You may not understand it, and I don’t think you ever can, but that doesn’t mean you’re helpless."
"Unfortunately, I've been on the receiving end of many verbal assaults disguised as tough love or strict discipline. Rather than motivate me to do something, it gave me anxiety, depression, and an unhealthy way of looking at love."
"He didn’t assume, but asked questions to understand my situation.
He didn’t judge but understood things from my perspective.
He considered the situation from various angles.
He gave me helpful suggestions on what could work.
He sought to share my feelings, which were unhappiness, hurt, and frustration, rather than dismiss or brush them away, which I find common when I share my problems with other friends."
CAREGIVERS post
MEDICAL PTSD trigger
Disclaimer: Rise Above Lyme makes no claims about any possible benefit of using any product mentioned within this site. Always consult with your doctor before adding anything. The information shared is based on personal experience, years of accumulated researched resources from Lyme Literate doctors and polls conducted within Lyme groups from actual patient experience using these solution ideas.
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